10 cc - I’m not in love
… someone on facebook took a quiz on “What is the first letter in the name of the person who loves you”.. and seemed quite excited about the results. facebook friend’s “likes” followed and i could easily read between the lines of the wall post comments. she has a crush on someone who has a name with that exact letter. it’s funny how you suddenly have this tool providing you with deep insight into people’s lives, people you don’t normally talk to that much, people you might not even ever talk to again (i have a lot of secondary school facebook friends for some reason, most of which i’ve not seen in 15 years).
anyway. this whole thing about the “first name in the person who loves you” and being excited about the results just made me think of the old days when you loved someone in secret, a friend, an acquaintance, someone in your class… and you didn’t really do too much about it. surface denial. playing it cool. being naive.
i was in a relationship for 7 years and the love we had was a gradual development. looking back at it i don’t think it was ever truy passionate on any level that you would compare love & emotions to today. we were never challenged, everything came easy. i guess for that reason we possibly stayed together as long as we did. friends. not soulmates. the age of innocence.
then i was in a relationship for just over 2 years and the love wasn’t mutual. there was a lot of passion, but no genuine love. i tried to allow myself to fall in love with him, but you can’t fall IN love if the person you love doesn’t love you back. i still think we would have been amazing had the circumstances been right. the age of inconvenience.
and then… there was this one time, in between innocent and incovenient loves… a brief window in life, where i felt genuinely, excitedly and passionately in love. someone amazing loved me because of me and i loved him because of him, and we confessed our love to one another, with words, music, letters and sex and touch. i felt like i was living a fairy tale story. it was just me, him, giddy smiles, excitement and love. nothing else mattered… well, everything mattered, but nothing felt wrong. the age of beauty.
too bad i had to leave. too bad he had to fall passionately in love with my friend 2 months after i left. too bad he wasn’t actually as genuine as i experienced him to be… maybe love like that doesn’t exist in real life? i can’t know. but while it lasted, i was the happiest girl on the planet.
i think that what i’ve learned from all this is to never again stay with someone you don’t truly love. never ever stay with someone who doesn’t love you back. and never in a million years believe a man who sounds too good to be true… because he probably is !
